one of the biggest things i think about when (prospectively) writing blog posts is how much of me i want to put out there. after writing a post, i usually read through and delete all excessive whining, but that's not something i feel bad about. but then i wonder, is that whining getting rid of a vital part of the entitled snob in me? or are my posts better off without "her"?
i try to be honest on here but it's really hard to maintain that. where do i draw the line between sharing things and not? do i talk about my rocky relationship with my father? do people care? can i do that without making it sound pitiful and attention-seeking? not that my father would find this blog, but if he did, would he be angry? probably. but do i write anyways? isn't that part of an online diary? i'm just not sure.
i want to write and be brutally honest and offensive like all the posts that i write mentally, because that's what i like to read. but i'm still working on where to draw the line.
23 August 2009
22 August 2009
ready or not.
so, all summer it seems i've been craving the beginning of the school year. i mean, on one hand it means lovely things like aforementioned best friend returning from china after 11 freaking long weeks, new binders, and pens with all the caps still attached [well for the first, erm, three days].
but on the other hand, it is the return of social obligations i will manage to weasel myself out of [i will soon write a post about my social anxiety because that's fun, right?] and tests! oh my god, tests. and getting used to new schedules and different class rooms and finding a table to sit at for lunch. oh my good god, let's not mention the public transportation. it makes my skin crawl just thinking about bus cards and wallets and pot holes. oh dear... -shudders-
but my least favorite part of school is the first month or so when you're just getting used to everything. every forgotten homework is magnified to ten billion times its miniscule priority in getting you into college. every binder left in it's locker is enough reason to break out into a cold, goosebumpy sweat that sticks around for at least two classes, leaving hands too shaky to pick up a pencil and take notes. i hate getting lost for class and feeling like the teacher is going to send you straight to the vice principal's office because OMG YOU'RE 35 SECONDS LATE! when really they usually give you a knowing smile [the first week] or a worthless detention slip waiting to be filled out [second week-october, at which point they usually just sigh and go back to class], or in the only case i got lost last year, the teacher hadn't even entered the room yet. she was outside on her cell phone, but she's a completely different story.
but for now, those are just the panic attacks of the future. right now my big worries concern: SUMMER READING. dear god, as my best friend once said, "i understand teacher makes us do reading for coursework, but must it be so booooooooooooooooooooooring. they could assign us something interesting and we would actually read it!" but instead of actually typing out the blog posts i have written out in my head over the past month, these next three weeks i need to start doing the 3 books, math homework, and chemistry chapters i've put off all summer. because i have a conscience and limited funds to buy sparknotes. because school's going to come whether i like it or not.
[does this post actually have a plot? no?]
but on the other hand, it is the return of social obligations i will manage to weasel myself out of [i will soon write a post about my social anxiety because that's fun, right?] and tests! oh my god, tests. and getting used to new schedules and different class rooms and finding a table to sit at for lunch. oh my good god, let's not mention the public transportation. it makes my skin crawl just thinking about bus cards and wallets and pot holes. oh dear... -shudders-
but my least favorite part of school is the first month or so when you're just getting used to everything. every forgotten homework is magnified to ten billion times its miniscule priority in getting you into college. every binder left in it's locker is enough reason to break out into a cold, goosebumpy sweat that sticks around for at least two classes, leaving hands too shaky to pick up a pencil and take notes. i hate getting lost for class and feeling like the teacher is going to send you straight to the vice principal's office because OMG YOU'RE 35 SECONDS LATE! when really they usually give you a knowing smile [the first week] or a worthless detention slip waiting to be filled out [second week-october, at which point they usually just sigh and go back to class], or in the only case i got lost last year, the teacher hadn't even entered the room yet. she was outside on her cell phone, but she's a completely different story.
but for now, those are just the panic attacks of the future. right now my big worries concern: SUMMER READING. dear god, as my best friend once said, "i understand teacher makes us do reading for coursework, but must it be so booooooooooooooooooooooring. they could assign us something interesting and we would actually read it!" but instead of actually typing out the blog posts i have written out in my head over the past month, these next three weeks i need to start doing the 3 books, math homework, and chemistry chapters i've put off all summer. because i have a conscience and limited funds to buy sparknotes. because school's going to come whether i like it or not.
[does this post actually have a plot? no?]
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